Mother's Intuition

My son was born premature (at 24 weeks & 4 days) and has been in NICU for nearly three weeks now.

I can always tell when Mr. Man has had a rough time because I usually wake up super emotional on his bad days.  (I'm not generally a super emotional kinda gal.)  We haven't had a lot of time together, but we are already so connected.  I love that we have a special bond.  I love that I can sense what's going on with my kids... no matter how near or far apart we are.  I love having a mother's intuition.

This morning I woke up with a funny feeling.  Something just wasn't right.  Throughout the morning I was cranky and grouchy, weepy and teary-eyed over the slightest of things.  A phone call at lunch made my heart sink when I couldn't answer in time.  All day, my littlest one had been at the forefront of my mind...more-so than usual.

When we went to visit him in the early afternoon, his nurse came rushing towards us.  She said the nurse practitioner didn't want him disturbed.  No looking at him, no talking to him.  No stimulation of any kind, period.  My baby boy had a really shitty morning and they wanted him to get as much rest as possible.  (Well, his nurse did let me peek at him.  Thank you.)

He was so still.  They put him on a morphine drip to calm him down - help him relax and sleep.  I hate to see him knocked out and not wiggling, but I was glad he was able to rest and not be so agitated.

Little Man decided to try and do things on his own, so he extubated himself from the oscillator.  And then he wouldn't allow the nurses to put the tube back in.  (And he really needed to be on the oscillator because his blood gas levels were not good... CO2 was building up in his blood stream and they wanted to keep him from sepsis.  They needed to open up his lungs so the gas would expel more quickly.)

To try and make a long story short, they were unable to get him back on the oscillator this evening, but did manage to keep him on the ventilator throughout the day.  They also had to give him steroids to fight the inflammation in his lungs because he wouldn't let the oscillator do it's job and work for him.

Tonight, Brennan is oxygenating and ventilating much more effectively.  His favorite night shift nurse has been able to wean him down on the ventilator - he was at 30% last time I spoke with her (vent ranges from 21% to 100%, 100% being max assistance from the machine.)  His blood gas levels are good... much better than they have been all day... so it's looks like we are steering clear of him being acidotic.  Chest percussion was performed to break up some of the crud/congestion, and his lungs sound much better tonight.  She also stopped his morphine drip so he can start moving around again, and get his lymphatic system working.  He had another blood transfusion, and that should help perk him up.  (To put things into perspective: our baby receives 4 teaspoons of blood over a course of 12 hours, with a 4 hour break between doses.)  Little man is also getting 2 different types of antibiotics to fight infections.  And he was given medicine to flush out some of the excess fluid from his system.  All of that info covers one of his issues; I won't dive into the other stuff tonight.

Okay, so I couldn't exactly keep the long story short.  Sorry.

My son is stubborn.  And I have no idea where he could possibly get that from (ahem.)  He takes initiative and tries to do things for himself.  (Go baby go!  But seriously, you have to learn to walk before you can run!  So take it easy!)  He certainly is feisty and has spunk.  I'm hoping he gets these wild shenanigans out of his system now so we have peaceful teenage years.  Fingers and toes crossed.  Salt over the shoulder.  I mean, what ever works.

Tomorrow when I get up, I'm gonna do a happy dance.  Perhaps I can will my kiddo to have a good day.  And I'll sing too:

"You've got to wake up every morning, with a smile on your face, and show the world all the love in your heart.  People gonna treat you different, you gonna find, yes you will.  That you're beautiful, as you feel."  ~Carol King

If I can sense his pain from a distance, perhaps he can feel my joy from just as far.

I sense a better day for us tomorrow.  Mother's intuition?  I'm claiming it!