Tips For Maintaining Sanity During Life In NICU

Is It Peace Or Is It Prozac
Words & Music
Cheryl Wheeler, Jonathan Edwards And Bob Dawson

• I'm psychiatric now
• It just happened
• I don't know how
• Life was moving right along
• At a reasonable clip
• When bang zoom
• Lost my grip
• And I'm psychiatric now
•  
• Oh I might smile thinking things are really swell
• Or I might cry - trouble is you just can't tell
• Cause I'm psychiatric now
•  
• So when I'd had enough of this
• I went to a psychiatrist
• I said I'm acting crazily
• I think my mind is gone from me
• He looked at me said I agree
• You think you're nuts and seem to be
• So he prescribed some pills for me
• And I went to the pharmacy
• I took them and I seemed to be just ... fine
• There's just one little question on my mind.
•  
• Is it peace or is it Prozac
• I don't care
• No need to know that
• When the moon is full and the world's too close
• I just keep my smile and I up my dose
•  
• Is it peace or is it Prozac
• Is this mellow, am I a maniac
• Is my mind out there and can I get it back
• Is it peace I feel or is it Prozac

What is NICU, some of you may ask?  NICU is the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit in a hospital; it's where premature or severely ill newborn babies stay until they are healthy and strong enough to go home with their mommies and daddies.  (It is the unit in which all of the ups and downs, twists and turns, would make any sane mother, or father for that matter, want to pull his/her hair out on occasion.)

My son was delivered by emergency C-section at 24 weeks and 4 days.  He is now almost a month old, so we have nearly a month's NICU experience under our belts.  Life for my family has been turned upside down.  It was as if the universe decided to pour us in a blender and hit puree.  Do you remember the frog in the blender cartoon that floated around the internet for a while?  Yeah, well, we might as well have been that frog [family.]

A lot of people have been asking me how we are getting through.  They are amazed at my family's strength and courage.  They see us laugh and smile.  They see us making the best of a tough situation.  They see us beam with pride at every small victory, every milestone.  They ask how we manage our home, living apart, a toddler who doesn't understand, etc.  They ask how we can be so patient and calm throughout all of this...   I laughed; my husband laughed even harder.  

We're tough, and we can handle a lot.  But we're not balls-to-the-wall tough.  While we manage effectively 90-95% of the time, I must confess it isn't always as easy as it seems.  It's not all sunshine and rainbows.  There are a few dark clouds that pass from time to time.  A few obscenities are shouted here and there, tears are shed, fists are shaken in the air, crazy rants are delivered, tantrums are thrown, and we can get a little snappy.  We're human.  We vent, and we move on.   

They haven't had to send me to the psych ward thus far, nor will they have to in the future.  No straight jackets or padded walls for me.  No Prozac either.  I've got peace... peace of mind.  I'm keeping my sanity.  I'm taking things one day at a time, and I'll get through.  You can too!

So, how does one survive life in the NICU?  Here are a few tips for maintaining your sanity:

1.  Have a little FAITH.  I believe in God, and I know He's got this.  If I didn't have my faith, I would be totally lost.  I would be scared.  I would be confused and angry.  With God in control and carrying me through, I have the greatest sense of peace.
2.  Find good support.  Whether it's a comfortable nursing bra (for the mamas), a comfortable chair in the nursery (for the papas), friends, family, or actual support groups... lay it on them.  Lighten your burdens and your load.  They'll help you out.
3.  Get to know your nurses and doctors.  Knowing those that care for your little one can be super comforting, and a huge stress-reliever.  Not so keen on a particular someone caring for your precious bundle of joy, don't hesitate to speak up and voice your concerns tactfully and through the appropriate channels.  Not sure how to break the ice in getting to know the staff?  Nurses and docs love donuts!  The sugar rush helps to keep them active and alert on those 12 hour shifts... especially the night shift.  J/K.
4.  Let the medical team do their job.  Unless you've been to medical school or had some sort of medical training... leave it to those wearing scrubs.  Trust me, they know what they are doing!  (I walked in on nurses bagging my little guy because he stopped breathing and wouldn't let the oscillator help him oxygenate/ventilate.  There was no way in H*E*Double-hockey-sticks me making a fuss over the situation was gonna help.  So I stood back out of the way, and my little guy was fine.)  Also, be sure to thank them for all they do, and thank them often.  Again, donuts help here.  Don't just say thanks, but show your appreciation.
5.  Medical terminology have your head spinning and your tongue tied?  Relax.  Breathe.  Wu-sah.  Also, see tips #6 and #7.  In fact, just relax, breathe, and wu-sah in general... doesn't just have to be in relation to mumbo-jumbo medical words.  And Google that $hit!  But don't just believe everything you read.  Find legit medical websites.  Then speak with your medical team again.  Have them re-explain.  Have them draw pictures if necessary... mine did!  I'm a visual learner.  Are you an auditory learner?  I'd love to see someone ask their nurse to break out in song (and dance!) to explain information!  
6.  Ask lots of questions.
7.  Still don't understand?  Ask again.  Write everything down - everything they say and all of your questions you need to ask.  (If you have an outstanding medical team like my little guy does, they give you answers to questions you haven't thought to ask.)
8.  Enjoy the roller coaster that is NICU!  You will have ups.  You will have downs.  And there will be some loopty-loopers and some twisty-turners.  There will be good days and bad days.  Accept it.  Throw your hands up!  Scream!  Make a funny face for the camera.  Not a fan of roller coasters?  The ride will be over in the blink of an eye, and soon you'll be home with your sweet baby.  Hospital Theme Park?  Take pictures and make a scrapbook!
9.  Don't be afraid to get all snot-faced.  Have yourself a good cry.  Grab a box of tissues.  Let the rivers flow.  Then dry those tears and regroup.  Find new focus.
10.  Don't be afraid to laugh like a mad-woman.  Laughter is the best medicine.  Although, please refrain from laughing like a mad-woman near the psych unit.  They may have some questions for you.  But seriously, get hysterical.  Look like a clown.  Act a fool.  Then regroup.  Find new focus.
11.  Have personal goals.  Celebrate small victories and milestones!  Each and every little thing counts!  In fact, it counts double because your little one is working extra hard to see you - sooner than expected.  (I celebrated holding my son for the first time in a month since he's been born.  Wahoo!)  Having goals gives you something to look forward to.  Meeting goals gives you something to celebrate.  Working towards goals keeps you sane.
12.  Choose your battles.  Not everything matters.  Let the little stuff go.  So what if your toddler decides to pick out her own clothes for the day and doesn't match.  So what if she looks a hot mess.  If little one's happy, the rest of the family is happy.  Wait a minute...
13.  You can't be everywhere with everyone at once.  Don't feel guilty when you divide your time.  Be sure to take a little time for yourself.  Add in a little QT (quality time) with your partner.  Give a little TLC (tender loving care) to your older children.  And then gaze at that tiny bundle of joy in the incubator.  Go goo-goo gaa-gaa over him or her.
14.  Let it get a little messy and disorganized.  Is your house a disaster zone?  My husband does his best to tidy up our place while I'm not there, but lets face it, he ain't the Queen of Clean.  Again, let me redirect you to tip #12.  So what if the house isn't to your standards.  Plenty of time to scrub later.  Family time is more important.  Life feeling a little disorganized?  That's okay.  Do what you need to do to get through the day, the hour, the minute.  Let the pieces fall, and then pick them back up later. 
15.  Take advantage of freebies.  Our hospital offers free massages for parents with children in the NICU.  I can't even begin to tell you how relaxing this was.  My stress melted away, along with all of the tension knots in my back, neck and shoulders! 
16.  Learn to love your breast pump.  Okay, who am I kidding!  I can't give advice here, because I hate my breast pump.  But I'm working on it.  Every day I'm tempted to chuck the thing out the window and watch it burst into a thousand pieces in the parking lot.  But then I think of my son, and he needs me to learn to embrace the pump.  (I really hope you are at least trying to pump!  Don't give up!  Stick with it!  Hang in there... although I know the ladies are hanging out there!  It's what's breast!  Okay, off soapbox now.)
17.  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  Asking for help is not a sign of weakness.  It doesn't mean you can't do something.  It just means you can't do it all, and you can't do it all right now.  If anything, asking for help is a sign of strength.  It signifies that you recognize a need in your life and you are unafraid to approach that need head-on.  It shows you are in control instead of spiraling out of control.  Delegation.  Like a Boss! 
18.  Don't be a button-pusher.  No one likes a button-pusher!  Just picture a kid in an elevator...  When you're angry or frustrated, it's easy to do or say something to send someone else over the edge.  Don't be that person.  Zip it.  Suck it up.  Let it go.
19.  If all else fails: bubble bath, glass of wine (just one if you are breastfeeding,) and a good book or movie.  Glossy magazine?  Trash tv?  Or whatever it takes to help you unwind.  I like a good bowl of ice cream, myself.
 20.  This too shall pass.  Just remember, this situation is only temporary.  Be patient.  Every day is another day closer to discharge and going home with your little munchkin.  Stay positive.  It all works out in the end. 

First Official Snuggle!

Hi!

I am happy to report that Brennan and I had our first official snuggle today!  It was absolutely amazing holding him... I mean, REALLY HOLDING HIM, for the very first time since birth.  He is nearly a month old, so cuddle time was long overdue.  He did very well and didn't D-SAT (desaturation: too low oxygen levels).  I am most definitely one proud mama!  I think we both needed this time; we were both very, very happy.

My Little Man has been maintaining his weight of 2 pounds and 3 ounces.  And he is tolerating his "feeds" very well.  He was getting 2 mL of breast milk every 3 hours and his nurse was bumping it up to 3 mL today!  (On a side note: I pumped 605 mL yesterday!!!  I'm finally getting up there!)

Also, today when we walked up to his incubator... I could swear he had a growth spurt overnight!  He looked a thousand times bigger than when I saw him yesterday.  Okay, that is a bit of an exaggeration, but I couldn't get over how much it looked like he had grown.  I'm just so thankful he is over the MRSA infection in his bloodstream!  Now he is one healthy, growing boy!  (Seriously, yesterday it looked as if I might be able to get my wedding band around his hand.  Today, not so much!)

Hopefully Brennan will continue to have good days, so we can snuggle more often!  I could hold him all day long, every day.  That's what I did with my daughter!  Loved every minute.  Looking forward to holding him more often, and eventually in the comfort of our own home!!!

Might As Well Be A Bloodhound

According to Wikipedia, the Bloodhound dog breed is a large, "scent" hound.  This hound receives acclaim for it's ability to use it's schnoz in distinguishing human scent, across vast distances (including over water), after several days. 

Back in the day - around the Middle Ages, these dogs were bred to track humans, and today are most commonly bred for that specific purpose.  Originally, the hounds were bred for hunting game such as wild boar and deer.  It's no wonder law enforcement officials around the globe use these fellas on duty.  With their "keen sense of smell" and "strong and tenacious tracking instinct," bloodhounds can help find the most innocent or guilty of persons... missing persons, lost persons, escaped persons...

On a more scientific level, just to give you a little more insight, bloodhounds have 4 billion olfactory receptor cells - scent catchers; we mere humans only have 5 million cells in our honkers.  Did you know their long ears and loose skin serve a purpose as well?  These flaps and folds function as scent particle retainers, reinforcing odors to memory and nose.

Okay, so why am I talking about bloodhounds?  Well, I might as well be one!

When women become pregnant, one of the many "symptoms" can be a heightened sense of smell.  Thank you hormones, more specifically, estrogen!  This remains in effect after giving birth as well.  I mean, something has to alert us to all of those poopy diapers daddy won't change when he is holding your precious bundle of joy (while you are at the opposite end of the house, on another floor, trying to get a little shut-eye.)  Gag reflex stopping him from changing a diaper?  I don't think so!  FYI: My husband was the first one to jump in and change our daughter's diapers.  We never had issues taking turns.  Some dads are totally amazing like that!

But we moms don't just detect poopy diapers, now do we?

Tonight the hubbs and I decided to go out to eat to our favorite Mexican restaurant.  We were sitting a quarter of the way across the room from the restroom, and all I could smell was bathroom cleaning product.  (I must confess, it was better than the alternative!)  Also, every time the front door opened, I could smell cigarette smoke coming from the tables outside... and we were no where near that door!

There have been a number of things my nostrils detect... that others don't seem to pick up on right away... until we move closer.  All thanks to those good ole hormones. 

(Oh lordy, I'm reminded of my superb odor-detector and batch of hormones honing in on cooking onions during my first trimester - direct line to morning sickness!  Beware of the super-sniffer!) 

Well, sign me up for training!  I could help the bloodhounds out for a short while.    

Tit For Tat * Boob Blog 2 *

Tit for tat: "equivalent retaliation."  To return like for like.

Apparently the Boob Blog was a big hit.  I don't know if y'all were looking for a peep show... sorry to disappoint... I just needed to talk about motherhood and the twins.  (Did you think I would be talking about tassels and the like?  Bunch of pervs.  Just kidding!  Thanks for reading!)

Anyway, since the Boob Blog seemed to be appreciated, I decided to add some extra content.  Sorry, it won't be X-rated... maybe a bit cheeky though.  Oh wait, that's the other end...

*  Perfect timing:  A tit bit nipply.  My husband and I drove past a glass store today.  At the same exact time the a/c in the car gave me a cold chill and had me freezing.  Let me just say that when you start nursing or pumping (dang - Mamacita's calling!  I'll get to her in a minute!) your nipples become super sensitive for a bit.  When the cold chill hit, I said, "Ouch!" and immediately reached to turn the air off.  When I explained that my nipples instantly became hard and hurt because of the cold air, he kindly pointed out that I could work at the glass store, perhaps doing some etching... because my nipples were hard enough to cut glass.  Had me laughing!  Thanks babe! 

*  Speaking of Mamacita, my beloved breast pump, every time I hear the "whoosh, whoosh" sound due to suction, I imagine her laughing at me saying, "Bitch, pump.  Bitch, pump.  Bitch, pump," in rhythm with the "whoosh, whoosh" sound.  That's a noise I can't wait to forget!  It's like Reveille in Basic Training... trained to be irritated with that tune b/c it meant I had to get up at 4:00 every morning!  I still cringe a little when I hear Reveille.  At the same time, an overwhelming sense of accomplishment and pride hits... I suppose I should learn to love the "whoosh, whoosh" sound.  It means my son is getting the "breast" of milk, to help him grow healthy and strong.  And honestly, it absolutely is an honor to serve him in that way.

*  And Mamacita's attachments:  I can't help but think the flanges, while attached to the bottles, look like fog horns.  Every time I pick them up, I just want to "blow the horn."  [BWAAAAHHHMMM BWAAAHHHMMM!  Or, insert cartoon horn sound, "AWOOGA!"]  Scare the nipples right off of an unsuspecting bystander.  Then maybe, they would know how I feel... sympathize my plight.  Or I could possibly issue fair warning to my husband so he knows to steer clear while I'm pumping, as it is such an aggravation lately, to avoid any mishaps or slur of curse words that may be fired from my lips.  Or maybe, just maybe, signal praise of my temporary size C-cup breasts!  Yes, that's why I'd love to "blow the horn." 

Boob Blog

Okay, I seriously can't stop thinking about my breasts (and all things related) after having baby number 2!  Is it because I had a boy this time around!?!  Just kidding.  I think Mamacita and her strict schedule keep my tatas at the forefront of my mind.  Consider this the Boob Blog.

Speaking of Mamacita... I think I've had a change of heart.  Lately, with my milk coming in - BTW... I'm finally pumping around 470 mL a day now!!! - I feel my milk "drop" when it's time to pump.  My boobies get super heavy and firm.  And it feels like the Hulk has his hands on them - HULK SQUEEZE!  It is such a relief to grab those flanges, and hook 'em up to Bessy and Clarabelle.  After a few minutes, the pressure is released, and I no longer feel like the ladies will pop!  Oh gosh!  Wait a minute!  This must be stress-induced, crazy talking!  Nope... I still can't stand Mamacita and having to pump every time I turn around.  (Confused about Mamacita?  Refer to Dairy Farm post.)  I almost lost my mind!  Checked myself before I wrecked myself.  Haha!

Another topic on the breast radar: implants.  I no longer want them.  I am skinny as a rail, flat as a board, etc.  There was a time when I thought breast implants would make me feel a little more feminine... a little more womanly (especially when walking down the beach - and not having water gush from a padded swim top).  I didn't want huge knockers flopping around... I mean, let's face it... if I had a pair of size C bazoombas protruding from my chest, I'd look like a toothpick with two olives stuck on me.  It wouldn't be natural.  I just wanted a full B cup to give me a little curve without tipping me over.  After having gone through emergency surgery and dealing with the aftermath... sensitivity, scarring (to come), etc... I'M SO OVER IT!  I couldn't imagine my breasts being sore after surgery.  I'll stick with my little mosquito bites and padded boulder-holders - in my case pebble-holders, thank you.  (As a bonus, my husband loves me just the way I am.  Good thing I found myself an ass-man!)  I'll just have to enjoy my temporary C cups... and walk carefully.  See, breastfeeding has many, many benefits, whether temporary or long term.

Breasts: not for fun and games.  They are a functional tool to feed one's young.  NAH!  While they do serve an amazing purpose in nourishing my sweet baby, they're still fun to play with.  Let me rephrase... it's fun when my hubby plays with them.  Of course, they're not being played with right now.  Too sensitive... and other obstacles such as leaking, squirting, etc.  After having nursed my daughter for a year, we found that we needed to play harder so I could actually feel something!  Mamas, you know what I'm talking about!  Too much information?  Oh well.  Keeping it real.

Did I mention I still see two perfectly round breasts when our car headlights come on?  Still makes me giggle.  Hormones.  Go figure.

Dang.  I forgot some of the other breast-related topics I wanted to discuss.  If I find that they are pressing on my mind, I'll share.

Tata for now.  I mean, Bye.  

Time Warp

"It's astounding  
Time is fleeting  
Madness takes its toll  
But listen closely  
For Not for very much longer  
I've got to keep control  
I remember doing the Time Warp  
Drinking those moments when  
The blackness would hit me   

And the void would be calling  
Let's do the Time Warp again  
Let's do the Time Warp again
 
It's just a jump to the left  
And then a step to the right  
With your hands on your hips  
You bring your knees in tight  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
That really drives you insane  
Let's do the Time Warp again  
Let's do the Time Warp again
 
It's so dreamy  
Oh, fantasy free me  
So you can't see me  
No, not at all  
In another dimension  
With voyeuristic intention  
Well secluded, I see all

With a bit of a mind flip  
You're into the time slip  
And nothing can ever be the same  
You're spaced out on sensation  
Like you're under sedation 
Let's do the Time Warp again  
Let's do the Time Warp again
 
Well I was walking down the street  
Just a having a think  
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink  
He shook-a me up, he took me by surprise  
He had a pick up truck and the devil's eyes  
He stared at me and I felt a change 
Time meant nothing, never would again
Let's do the Time Warp again  
Let's do the Time Warp again
 
It's just a jump to the left  
And then a step to the right  
With your hands on your hips  
You bring your knees in tight  
But it's the pelvic thrust  
That really drives you insane 
Let's do the Time Warp again  
Let's do the Time Warp again"

~ Rocky Horror Picture Show, Time Warp lyrics (from metrolyrics.com)

I can't believe I entered the hospital a month ago yesterday!  And in just a handful of days, our son will be ONE MONTH OLD!  Time flies.  In ways it seems like we just got here, and in other ways it feels as if we've been here forever!

Time has definitely become a blur.  Procedures have become a blur.  People have become a blur.  The ups and downs have become a blur.  Reality has become a blur.

The NICU really is a Time Warp!

Landing The Role! Domestic Goddess: Wife & Super-Mom

Blog Challenge: Day 6.

Prompt: If you couldn't answer with your job, how would you answer the question, "What do you do?"

"All the world's a stage, and I need more lighting!"  Wait, that's not it...  "And all the men and women merely players."  Yes, that's Shakespeare.  (Although, the former quote still works best in my case; not gonna lie!  I don't mind center stage and a little lime-light.  Attention?  Yes please!  Just ask my husband.)

In high school, I did a little theatre.  I played one of the witches from Macbeth ("double, double, toil and trouble!")  I was a sparkly, fairy godmother.   I played the girl who lost a friend in the Fake Prom Crash - drunk driving accident simulation (and actually had a write-up in the paper that followed the performance, picture included.)  This is really neither here nor there.  Wait, I am making a point: Just letting you get to know me, and some of the roles I played/things I did back in the day.

The most important roles I play, however, are not on stage in an auditorium.   My most important roles are that of wife and mother... domestic goddess, and are performed on the great stage of life.

So, what all do I do exactly?  What are my many roles?  By the way, this list only depicts a small portion of my duties.

I am a daughter, and a granddaughter.  I am a sister (and can be a bratty one at times... for old times' sake... it's fun driving my brother crazy!)  I am a cousin.  I am a niece.  I am an aunt.  I am a friend-extraordinaire.  And most importantly, I am a domestic goddess (dishes, mops and brooms bow down to me... just kidding!): I am a devoted, loving wife (couldn't have asked for a better partner in crime!) and Super-Mom (yes, I do tons of whooshing.)

I am a prayer warrior.  I am a knitter and a sewer.  I am a photographer (not professionally!)  I am a blogger.  I am a chef, server and busboy.  I am a dirty-pot scrubber.  I am a stocker.  I am a chauffeur.  I am a maid.  I am a laundress.  I am a teacher.  I am a boo-boo kisser, and natural healer.  I am a snot wiper.  I am a hair comber, tooth brusher, and bath tub filler-upper.  I am an adventurer.  I scare away monsters.  I am a stuffed-animal finder, and toy wrangler.  I am a silly-song singer.  I am a funny face maker.  I am a story-teller.  I am a snuggler and cuddler.  I am a shaper of dreams.  I am an encourager of accomplishments.  I am the other half that makes my husband whole... and in turn, wouldn't be whole without him as my other half.  I am my family's chronologist: time-keeper and alarm clock too.  I am a memory maker.  I am a guardian.  I am a protector...

We have many roles in life.  There are many relationships we hold, many jobs we perform, and many things we do - some things for fun, some things out of obligation, some things out of necessity, some things out of habit, some things just for the heck of it, etc.

All jobs aside, find roles in life you can be proud of.  Make a difference in the world, no matter how big or how small... no matter if you reach one person or thousands.  I am more than satisfied being a wife and mother.  For me, these are the roles of a lifetime!