You've always heard the age-old adage: "There's no point crying over spilled milk." Translation: Don't get upset when something negative happens that you cannot change.
Well, I'm here to tell you that it's okay and perfectly reasonable to cry over spilled milk when said milk is liquid gold! When you work as hard as new mothers do, to pump breast milk that isn't coming in on time - especially if you have a preemie - every little drop is precious. And if even one of those drops doesn't make it into the bottle, tears can quickly well-up in one's eyes. Heaven forbid you spill a bottle... let the water-works flow! I have managed to spill more than a few drops, cursed myself as I watched in slow-motion such unstoppable disasters unfold, and cried (yes, cried rivers) as I wiped away the contaminated spill-zone of lost liquid gold.
Other things making me shed tears lately:
* The simple fact that after approximately three months of bed rest and one C-section, my energy levels are not the same... I mean, that and not having a normal sleep cycle due to Mamacita putting me to work on her dairy farm (see previous post.)
* Also, due to said bed rest and C-Section issues, I haven't been able to pick up and hold my daughter, or get down on the floor and play with her, or run after her at the park. This breaks my heart. I know this is silly, and only temporary, but it kills me when my daughter runs to my husband or her grandparents for everything because she knows mommy can't help right now. UGH! (Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she can run to them and I'm glad they are able to help!!! Just wish I could help too!)
* Dividing my time and scheduling. I've lost many tears over this issue lately. I feel as if I'm being pulled in 1,000 different directions. I can barely manage my own personal time right now, let alone try and figure out where and when my husband or daughter need to be at certain places. And when I'm with one person, I feel guilty for not being with another. I'm pretty sure I'm not the only mom who feels this way after baby number two comes along, but with the added stress of having a preemie in NICU, well... I'm just frazzled sometimes (although I try very hard not to let it show. I do my best to give my undivided attention to the person I'm with when I'm with them - whether it's my husband, my daughter, or my son.)
* Random comments such as: Today my husband and I were driving down the highway and out of the blue he said, "My life would be totally different if I stayed in the military." I teared up a little and replied, "You probably never would have met me." He said, "I didn't think about that." Then I started bawling, "I never would have had my babies." He immediately said, "Oh no! I didn't mean it like that! I'm sorry!" Oops. I told him he couldn't talk about such things around a hormonal woman, because I would twist his words and distort his meaning... and throw my hand above my brow as if faining distress. Then we both laughed.
* Seeing an ambulance makes me cry. This vehicle transported me to the place in which I was robbed of a full-term pregnancy. (Although, I should mention I am grateful for that ride because my son was delivered safely in a facility that was capable of handling his extremely premature needs.)
* And then of course, there's Mamacita. But I don't want to talk about her. She takes up enough time in my day as it is. Devil-woman!
* There are lots of little things that catch me off-guard from time-to-time as well. Just gotta roll with it.
It is completely normal to cry after having a baby. And it's totally understandable if you cry over spilled milk. Crying is a good way to release some of those bottled-up emotions or vent some of your frustrations. And sometimes I laugh so hard I cry... those are the best tears! Let the rivers flow. Grab a tissue. Then find joy in your day again.
Piece of advice: Just to make things a little easier and a little less stressful, try not to spill your milk... taking a little extra time is okay.
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