Today I saw an extremely pregnant woman walking down the street wearing a cute maternity dress, absolutely glowing, and was a little disheartened at the thought of not making it to the end of my pregnancy.
There are so many things I feel that I missed out on, having a short pregnancy with my son. For instance, I don't have any "belly pictures" of me pregnant with my son. At 10.5 weeks preggo, the complications started. I was on pelvic rest for a month, and bed rest for 2 months. Then my sweet boy was born. And during all that time I was resting, I don't think we got a single snapshot. I didn't get very many with my daughter... we didn't take the weekly photos... but I have enough to show my progression with her. I wanted to be able to look back and see my progression with my little man as well.
And speaking of pictures, I wanted to take Maternity pics with my belly, my husband and my daughter. I didn't get maternity photos with my daughter, and was really looking forward to doing that while pregnant with my son.
Also, I was looking forward to having a baby shower. My best friend and I had started discussing themes, and I was really getting excited about having this celebration. There are some really awesome baby shower games I wanted to play. (I'm a huge game fan! Board games, trivia games, card games, video games - although my husband is much more knowledgeable and experienced in this department, minute-to-win-it type games.) I also wanted to eat all of the yummy finger foods... and sweets... I wanted a cute and oh-so-delicious baby shower cake! Well, I suppose I'll just have to have a "Welcome Home" party for my handsome little guy! (This can be made up for, sort of. But I'll never be able to get those photos!)
I was looking forward to the whole nesting process. Yes, I know this can be done now... I can still get his nursery ready before he comes home. But I would so much rather spend my time with him now that he's here. I want to soak up all the snuggles I can from the both him and my daughter. Organizing has lost it's appeal. Going shopping to do these things before arrival has a certain, special feeling to it. No baby registry for me. Now, I'll just be going shopping for things my son needs as a part of my normal routine.
This is going to seem a little self-centered, but I wanted people to look at me and admire my pregnant belly the way I admired the woman on the street today. I wanted friends and family to rub my belly and feel the baby kick. Yeah, I kind of wanted to be the center of attention in a room... enjoy the gravitational pull of my baby bump. I wanted to enjoy my glow. Instead, I was unable to enjoy what little time I was pregnant due to all of the complications. And no one got to rub my tummy. No Buddah Belly for good luck. (J/K)
Spring passed me by. I'll never get that time back. I was stuck inside wearing sweats, instead of enjoying all of the activities I had planned for my family. We missed Easter parties and strawberry picking. We missed birthday parties and family gatherings. We missed out on festivals. The list goes on. And this summer looks like it might pass us by as well. I don't venture too terribly far away from the hospital or my home. And I'm attached to my breast pump... so I need to be able to get to an electrical socket every 2 to 3 hours. So much for beach trips, zoo trips, etc. Shoot, I haven't even been to the movies. Not that movies are important. My time is spent with my family and that's what matters most. I do, however, wish our memories didn't revolve around the hospital.
Having said all of the above: While I have had some disappointments over the last few months, there is a silver lining...
I GOT TO MEET MY SON A LITTLE EARLIER THAN MOST MOTHERS GET TO MEET THEIRS! Instead of feeling him grow inside me, I get to see him grow outside of me. Instead of feeling him kick the inside of my tummy, I hold him and feel him kick the outside of my tummy. Not only can I see him, and hold him, but I can hear him... much sooner than expected. Instead of maternity pictures, I have preemie pictures. Instead of belly pictures, I have itty bitty baby pictures. Instead of wearing maternity clothes for months on end, I'll be able to get back into my regular clothes that much faster. And I suppose my body may not have been stretched as much, so maybe it will hold up a little longer down the road... in the end. I can eat all of the foods I was craving before - that you're not allowed to eat during pregnancy... like sushi, blue cheese, and sandwiches with deli meat! The nesting thing... yeah, that can still be done. The shower thing... we'll just transform it into a welcome home shin-dig - no loss there.
All-in-all, while there are things I missed, there are things I've been privileged to witness. I am very blessed, and give thanks every day for all that I DO HAVE. We're just making memories a little differently than expected, and that's more than okay!
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